


I May Not Have Changed, But Some Things Certainly Did

by SylviaoftheDepths



Series: I Found Someone Just Like Me [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post-Canon, Teaching, Tell me if you understand that tag in the comments!, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 19:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19856911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylviaoftheDepths/pseuds/SylviaoftheDepths
Summary: Nagisa goes about his life as best as he can. There are some bumps, but he's getting there. Slowly, but surely.





	I May Not Have Changed, But Some Things Certainly Did

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I pulled the prompt correctly (I think I failed the bonus part), but I hope you guys like it! Pleas leave comments, this is my first fic here!
> 
> I am not a trans person myself, so I wrote this from an outsider's perspective, but if there are inaccuracies and indirect offenses, please know I didn't mean them in the slightest! Feel free to let me know exactly what I've portrayed wrong, I don't want to contribute to any existing and incorrect stereotypes regarding trans gendered persons.
> 
> Also, I wrote this from 11 PM to 5 AM on the morning and posted just like that, please let me know if there are any mistakes!
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> I think it woul be cool to read a fic about a trans dude that's just going through life, secure in his masculinity. He's not hyper masculine, just a regular well adjusted person looking for love and hopes to find it, and maybe does. 
> 
> Bonus points if the fact that he's trans is just kinda there, not the main focus of the story.

Sometimes Nagisa seriously considered ignoring his alarm in the morning. Very, very seriously considered it. Especially as it blared insistently right across from his ear into the wee hours of the morning, startling the peaceful chirping of the early birds and bringing the teacher’s attention to how still very dark it was outside.

There was the sound of a very heavy, weary exhale and the covers started rustling as Nagisa dragged his body up and out of them, feet searching for his slippers even as he sat upright, mind still too hazy to think of anything other than routine.

It didn’t stay that way for long.

Somewhere in between his excessively long brushing period- not because he was particularly germaphobic, but because sleep made a zombie out of him- thoughts began to clear their way through his brain.

Another sigh.

He’d have to deal with the kids of Class 3-E yet again. Those excessively tall, gangster-looking children who had no respect for Nagisa or his position as a teacher. He sighed again, this time accidentally spilling his toothpaste. In dismay, he watched as it dropped onto his pajamas and created several splotches, one just over his heart, one a ways below it, and another at the hem of his pajama top, spilling over to his bottom. He opened his mouth to sigh yet again and watched another blob spill, making the blotch on his pants bigger. His mouth snapped shut in an instant as Nagisa glared, finally awake anough for the sleep haze to only be clinging to the edges of his mind and eyes.

If Nagisa was being quite honest with himself, his students were coming around. What definitely wasn’t coming around was the incredible mess he was in the morning, without his mother around to sit him down and force his hair into pigtails for him as he went about his morning activites clinging stubbornly to sleep so he could ignore his mother’s ministrations.

It was moments like this when he wished Tatsumi lived with him. But his girlfriend had things she was dealing with and Nagisa understood and respected that. He could wait until she was ready. And if it turned out she just never wanted to live with him, he’d be a little bummed, but that would turn out okay as well.

After all, no one ever understood him as well as Tatsumi did. And if she could understand his struggles so thoroughly as she did, the least he could do was be there for her unconditionally while she was struggling through the same things he once did.

Trudging contemplatively back to his room, Nagisa allowed himself a moment to smile as he listened to the birds outside of his window and caught the sun peeking out of the wall of buildings that made up Nagisa’s horizon, still not at a brightness enough to make him squint and turn away. And then the moment faded and Nagisa started to remove his spotted pajamas to get ready for his day at the school of his own chaotic middle school years.

~

Standing outside the door, it was easy for Nagisa to pretend nothing had changed in the seventeen years he’d been a student of that very same classroom of rejects atop the mountainous hill, separated from the main campus of the one Kunugigaoka Academy. After all these years, the sliding doors looked exactly the same, as did the wooden floors of the hallway and the considerably large windows and Nagisa allowed himself a nostalgic breath before he walked in, keeping a firm smile on his face, reminiscent of the one teacher he respected most in the world.

Beyond the door was, as always, a mess. The floor was pathetically close to cracking- held together solely due to Nagisa’s desperate efforts after school hours- trash- even in the morning- was littered here and there throughout the desks, which were pulled out of line into a jumbled mess, and Nagisa’s gigantic students lingered anywhere in the classroom but their own seats. Everywhere in the building was the same, even Nagisa himself had barely grown a centimeter since middle school, but this one classroom which held so many precious memories was changed. And that too, this drastically.

 _At least it’s better than it was on my first day_ , he thought absentmindedly, walking in and trying very hard to casually ignore the intimidating glares sent his way. Indeed, compared to that terrible first day, the floor was slightly less smudged in black, less trash was littered about- although that could be attributed to the morning hours- and the desks were at least in the center of the room, as compared to the mess lining the walls it had been once upon a time.

“Oi, oi, Shiota-chan Sensei,” a mocking, high pitched voice cut through to his ears and he stumbled on the raised step he bought to put behind his teacher’s podium when he realized exactly what children he’d have to deal with throughout his trainee period. He was still only a trainee teacher and he was stuck in this kind of environment. Was the Headmaster looking to have him quit? “You still comin’ in?”

How many times would they have to go through this?

“Y- Yes, Katsuki-kun. Now, if everyone would please take to their seats-”

“Or what?!” Another voice cut in. _Kurogami Amane_ , he identified. His students had surprisingly distinctive voices. He’d always assumed delinquents would have deeper, more inspiringly threatening voices. Not that his kids weren’t threatening enough with their voices alone, but they didn’t inspire the sort of respectful fear he’d expected to derive from someone who had the guts to defy the rules of the school and society. “You gonna kill us?!”

Silence.

_Bloodlust._

… Seriously. How many times-

“Enough.” A deep voice ordered. _Ah_ , Nagisa thought, sudden haze hastily receding from his mind, _this is exactly what I’d always imagined a delinquent’s voice would sound like. Iwazumi-kun’s voice_. “Sit down, you fools.”

Nagisa smiled. “T- Thank you, Iwazumi-kun.”

The boy held his gaze for a second, two, and glanced away, huffing and kicking his legs over his desk. “Shut up and stop being so weak. Get your stuff done and go.”

Nagisa bowed a little in gratitude before he opened up his book. “Alright, let me take attendance!”

Maybe it was the after effect of Nagisa- very gently- placing his finger at the boy’s (forcefully) exposed throat on the first day- that, and the silence following the incident, was the highlight of the day, to Nagisa, when he felt Koro Sensei’s power and wisdom running through him, alongside the familiar instinct of _aim and kill, self-assure and swift as a viper_ \- but the boy seemed to start, at times, to notice when Nagisa’s bloodlust would rise and would quickly get the others to back off before anything serious would happen. Truthfully, Nagisa would never do anything to his students. Yes, they were a bit (very) rowdy, but still Nagisa viewed them as his own and wanted to do for them as Koro Sensei had done for him.

And to be even more honest? Nagisa was a little proud that Iwazumi could sense his bloodlust, however minimally. The assassin in him recognized talent where it was due, and although he doubted he’d ever meet anyone again in the normal world who could build as pure a bloodlust Class 3-E in his time, to even be able to sense his intent to kill, however sparsely, was not a skill he’d expected to ever find outside his own class (excluding the Headmaster Asano Gakuhou and, perhaps, his son, Asano Gakushuu). He wouldn’t encourage it, just like neither Koro Sensei nor Karasuma Sensei had encouraged his thoughts of pursung a career as an assassin (they hadn’t explicitly discouraged it either, had let him find his own path and trusted him to choose what was best for him in a world where he was forced to act in ways he didn’t want, and Bitch Sensei’s input was of negligible enough value to actually consider, beyond the skills she’d imparted him and the energy he and his class had put in to get her a relationship with their dense physical education teacher), but he’d keep it in mind if it ever came up as something noticeable in thier time together.

 _For now, it’s useful in getting the others to listen_ , he thought as he closed up the attendance book, having called the last name on the list and finding them all present (again, much better than his terrible first day- he’d had to make many home visits since then), and turned to write down the subjects of the day on the board. There was rustling behind him, and despondent murmurs, but no one dared speak up against Iwazumi, who was admittedly the leader of the class, although Nagisa hoped to break them of the idea before they parted with him. A good teacher brought out their students’ various talents and self-confidence, not left them as they were as people, only teaching them what was in the syllabus. Koro Sensei had taught him that. He turned back to the class, catching their attention and halting some cautious students mid-conversation. “Shall we get started with English?”

~

There were whoops of joy even before the last bell rang. Nagisa closed his economics teacher’s textbook with a sigh. He’d get not a word in edgewise if the students were so eager for the day to end. It was better to allow them some small mercies if it would get them to listen to him better, so he could hopefully get them to listen better and sit in place until the day was officially over. Already though, students were starting to listen to him on not littering as much and he was only a month and a half into the school year, so Nagisa considered that an achievement.

Now if he could only get them all to actually do their homework, that would be an achievement worth celebrating with Tatsumi over a fancy dinner.

Speaking of which-

“Everyone, remember to do all of your homework, you’ll be having quizzes next week to see where you are with the material we’ve covered so far!” He managed to say, just in time for the bell to ring right as he got his last word out. No one acknowledged his reminder in favored of stampeding out of their chairs and busting out the door, chatter suddenly so loud that Nagisa fought not to cover his ears.

He sighed.

Wasn’t there a saying that sighing was allowing happiness to escape one’s soul or something? If so, Nagisa was letting an incredible amount of happiness escape him over the course of a single day.

This was the thought that crossed the teacher’s mind, just as a shadow fell over him, almost as if mirroring his inner thoughts. He looked to see the one Satsukimara Iwazumi towering over him and his mouth dropped in surprise.

“May I help you, Iwazumi-kun?”

The student remained silent for a while and Nagisa waited patiently, smiling softly up at him, almost out of reflex. When finally he spoke, it was not at all what Nagisa expected to hear.

“Why do you look so much like a girl?”

Nagisa considered the boy carefully. He’d received many similar questions from his students towards the start of the year, when they were even fewer and more rambunctious than they were now. Then, they were insults meant to demean him and although the content was something Nagisa could care less about (he’d been hearing the same thing all his life and Koro Sensei taught him to be proud of himelf, finally opening his mother’s eyes to the truth), the intent with which they were said had certainlyy frightened him. He was weak until provoked to kill. But now, Nagisa could see sincerity in Iwazumi’s eyes and that made him stop and consider offering him the truth, for the first time that year.

“Perhaps because I used to be a girl?”

For once, Iwasizumi lost the composure he made sure to hold throughout the school day, looking, instead, so incredibly dumbfounded.

“Wh- What?”

I used to be a girl.” Nagisa replied, nonchalantly. He’d long since reconciled with the fact, once his mother had been convinced to recognize he was actually indeed a boy and not the daughter she so desperately wished he was.

“B- But- you- You’re a guy..?”

“Yes, I am.” He confirmed, nodding. Iwazumi looked so, _so_ lost, Nagsa decied to take pity on his poor student and clarify what the boy so clearly thought was an impossible transformation. “When I was born, I’d been born into a female body. My mother- she’d been so delighted. She’d only ever wanted a daughter and there she had one. But my body, it never developed as she’d hoped it would. I was late to hit puberty, even in middle school, I was yet to turn softer and curvier, or have any other symptoms females would begin to develop as they hit their puberty. It worried her a lot, seeing as I’d never really acted like a girl in the first place. Sure, I wasn’t exactly going around playing with trucks and whatever it is parents will buy for male children, but I never entirely fit into the female category either. I would refuse to wear dresses _(although in the end they were forced on me either way and I was punished for my disobedience)_ and despised hearing her call me her precious daughter, her doll. She would make me wear pigtails everyday as if to remind me I was a girl. But I wasn’t. Even back then I knew it was wrong. I wasn’t a girl. And then I came to middle school, to this very classroom, and there was an incident which caused a very beloved teacher of mine to sit my mother down and explain to her that I wasn’t her doll, I wasn’t something to be owned for her pleasure. I was my own person and if I was male inside, she should respect me as a person instead of forcing me to live according to her wishes. I kept my name, as a memory, but after middle school was over, I was allowed to officially start treatment to change my female body to one I’d mentally been all my life: male.”

 _The fact that I never hit puberty as a female probably eased the transition to male_ , he mused, trailing off into his thoughts. _Although that’s also probably why I haven’t grown at all… Ugh, why couldn’t Karma-kun share some of his height with me? He couldn’t have taken five centimeters off of his 185 to make me 165, at the very least? Who needs all that height anyway?! Why does a bureaucrat need that much height at all?!_

Nagisa knew exactly why: So he could tower over his poor victims and scare them to death with his never-dying devilish smirk.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that very day. “You should go home, Iwazumi-kun. Sensei has work to do,” _I have to clean up the mess of the classroom you made over the course of the day, even though I know the one’s still throwing their trash around are just doing it to spite me at this point_ , “and Iwazumi-kun has homework of his own to do, right? Go on now.”

And with that, Nagisa bodily assured his dazed student out the door and firmly shut the door behind him, surveying the mess the end of the day had resulted in. The desks were in further disarray than they had been in the morning (Nagisa could recall scraping sounds of desks and chairs being dragged across the floor interrupting him while he tried to teach and snickers arising from various spots in the classroom) and the ratio of trash had risen 3:1 from what it had been in the morning. The floor was covered in more marks and dirt, and what with the dying sun, Nagisa knew he’d have to get to that first before he was forced to rely on his phone’s flashlight to align the desks and pick up the trash and throw it into the proper trash bin.

With a sigh, the teacher rolled up his sleeves and set to work.

~

“How were your students today, Nagisa-kun?” A soft voice filtered through the cell phone. Nagisa breathed out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in and it sounded somewhere between a relieved and lovesick sigh.

“As usual. The students couldn’t wait to get out of there and took as many chances as they could to interrupt me.” The person at the other end made a sympathetic noise and Nagisa’s heart jumped as he continued, “At one point a paper plane hit me in the back of my head! It was a very well made paper plane, but still!”

The person giggled and Nagisa scoffed, before joining in on the giggling as well. A thought entered his mind as their giggles faded out peacefully.

“I wonder how Koro Sensei dealt with us…” There was a contemplative silence on both sides before his entirely rhetoric question received an answer.

“I’m sure he saw the good in his students, just like you see in yours, Nagisa-kun. He taught you well, even taming Akabane-kun and Terasaka-san and Horibe-san, so I have every bit of faith you will be able to do the same for your students. Don’t doubt yourself.”

Nagisa could feel tears pricking in the back of his eyes at the quiet confidence in her voice. His own choked with emotion.

“Thanks, Tatsumi-chan.” He whispered through the sudden rush of love constricting his vocal cords.

“Yeah,” Tatsumi replied warmly, and Nagisa could see her blank face in his mind’s eye, the corners of her lips slightly turned up and eyes sparkling with warm and contained emotion.

Once the moment had passed with sufficient enough time for Nagisa’s throat to loosen up, he asked her how her day had gone and could feel her glower through the phone.

“I met Midorima-kun today.”

Nagisa jolted upright on his bed, letting go of the pillow he’d been holding captive under his chin.

“What?! What happened? How did that go?” He questioned worriedly. He knew his girlfriend had done her level best to cut herself off from her high school friends after she’d changed, but Nagisa had heard stories about them when they went to college and knew they could be stubborn, clever, and difficult, if only in theory.

Tatsumi breathed out through her nose, a noise Nagisa was acquainted with well. He mentally grimaced.

“You know what? Hold up on that thought. I’ll call Karma-kun and Kaede-chan over and you can tell us then, how about that?”

This time, she breathed out through her mouth and Nagisa breathed a mental sigh of relief.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“I’ll make plans for dinner tomorrow. It’s a Friday anyway, so that works out perfectly.”

“Thank you, Nagisa-kun.”

“No problem, Tatsumi-chan.” _That way you, Karma-kun, and Kaede-chan can subtly discuss how to murder your friends and I won’t have to hear a word._ “It’s getting late though and I still need to wake up early on a Friday morning, so how about we end this here and continue it in person tomorrow?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Nagisa-kun. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Tatsumi-chan, I love you too. Very much.”

Nagisa’s soft smile subconsciously remained even as the call ended and he got up to shut his lights off and opened the group chat he and Tatsumi shared with Karma and Kaede to send them a text about tomorrow’s plans before he could forget.

~

 _Why does one wake up in the morning?_ Nagisa wondered, listening to his alarm blare away at the still morning air, startling the peaceful chirping of the early birds and bringing the teacher’s attention to how still very dark it was outside. _Why can’t you sleep into the afternoon and start work then, to go into the night? Who truly wakes up in the morning?_

Mechanically he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, flattened his sheets, and headed over the bathroom, trusting his slippered feet to lead him to the bathroom without bumping into anything, as he found immense difficulty in getting his eyelids to pry themselves away from each other.

 _They’re in love,_ he thought a bit deliriously, _I should let them be._

It was when he was brushing his teeth that yesterday’s events started to come back to him and he made sure to clamp his mouth firmly shut to avoid spilling toothpaste on his new set of pajamas. The birds had resumed their tunes by the time he was done and he’d regained enough sense by the time he was changed into his work attire to check his phone to see what his school friends had replied to his, Dinner’s on me tomorrow at 7. Who’s coming?

The reply almost made him drop his phone.

As it turned out, in his sleepiness, he’d texted not the group chat with him, Tatsumi, Karma, and Kaede, but the group chat he had with his Class 3-E batch and had received positive replies from every single person in it and a few _are you sure_ s. (Save for Isogai, who charmingly- and no doubt worriedly- offered to chip in. What a perfect man.)

Nagisa’s first sigh of the day was powerful enough to ensure all of his traditonal day’s worth escaping sadness was gone in that one breath.

He lamented his meager teacher’s paycheck as he replied, _Yes, I’m sure, and don’t worry about it Isogai-kun, Tatsumi-chan wanted to go out with some company to celebrate, so I figured I might as well pay for everyone if I’m inviting them._

He could survive on ramen and his girlfriend’s treasured vanilla milkshakes for the time being. And hey, didn’t Class 3-E’s mountain have some berries and fruit somewhere in the forest dominating the expanse of it?

~

Nagisa stood outside the unchanged door of Class 3-E, in the unchanged hall of the building, framed by the light from the unchanged large and clear windows ringing the unchanged wooden walls and contemplated how his life had changed from middle school until now.

He had money, was the biggest thing. Even his height had only gone up one centimeter from 159 to 160.

Well, that first piece wasn’t even true anymore, was it? He didn’t have money, not anymore.

He didn’t even have the strength to sigh at that as he slid the door open.

The floor of the classroom was smudged yet again with dirt, despite the cleaning he’d done last evening, the desks misaligned from the careful positions he’d left them in and there was trash- nowhere.

There was no trash. Nagisa looked up at his students in astonishment. What had happened, all of a sudden, that they could give up picking on him in exchange for a relatively clean floor?

His students looked pretty astonished themselves.

Suddenly, something sailed a ways away over Nagisa’s head and he watched as a can hit the wall and fell down in the vicinity of the trash bin, where it’s target had clearly been. Around the bin where similar scraps of trash, although a majority had actually, it seemed, landed in the bin itself. Startled, Nagisa followed the track of the can from when it had been thrown high in the air with way too much force and was surprised to see it lead to Satsukimara Iwazumi, already seated in his desk, feet propped up and face turned away.

“Everyone…” _What is going on?_ “Sit down?”

And even though the bell was still relatively far from ringing the start of the day, everyone was dumbfounded enough to listen, students and teacher alike shuffling absentmindedly shuffling over to their places wondering what kind of magic they were witnessing at play in the wee hours of the morning.

On the way to his desk, Nagisa could not stop staring at his student, baffled beyond belief. What had changed, over the course of the night? Had the boy somehow realized he was about to lose all of his money and decided to go nice on him?

No, how could he ever possibly find that out in the first place?

It was when Nagisa was finally settled at his teacher’s podium, hands flipping through his attendance book and eyes still on the boy, that Iwazumi turned to meet his guys. His hands stopped their motion for a beat, twitching, before they continued, Nagisa finally looking down to pay attention to what they were doing, a faint smile on his face.

Respect. He’d seen _respect_ glittering clear in the boy’s eyes.

Maybe there was something to celebrate today after all.


End file.
